I've heard a lot of opinions this week about my child. A lot that I disagree with, and a few that have merit. The one thing that stung me the most was hearing someone tell me that my child does not have a right to be understood.
Let me explain this to you. Every single day my son wakes up in a world that is foreign to him. He speaks a language that is different from yours. By all appearances, he is a bright, energetic and normal child. Just like most kids. Except, he's not like most kids.
He struggles every day to communicate with neurotypical people. He mimics what he sees in conversations, on television, and in books. That might LOOK like communication but it's actually him trying imitate what he sees us doing. Him trying to appear "normal" to please other people. That is not to say my son can't and won't communicate. He does, it's just not always the same way YOU do.
Do you have to think about what to say when you greet someone every day? He does. Do you struggle to answer who, what, when, where, why and how questions? For him, it can be impossible some days. So, when I say he speaks another language, that is what I mean. He doesn't know the rules of social communication that we take for granted. He can't "read" expressions or decipher your tone of voice. He is trying and learning every day, but it will always be difficult for him.
That is one of the reasons why autistic children have melt downs. If you can't communicate your frustration or your needs it gets to the point where the only outlet you have is a no holds barred freak out.
Is this acceptable?
No.
Is it understandable?
Yes.
I try to teach him acceptable ways to voice his frustrations. I'm not always successful because I don't always understand how his little mind works. I'm trying though, and I really wish other people would give a little to try and understand him too.
I'm not just talking about my child either. It's not like I'm asking the entire world to bend to the will of one person. (Though, a little understanding in any case never hurt anyone either). 1 in 110 (some estimates are higher) kids is a lot of kids. Kids who will soon be adults. Who could be your neighbor, your coworker or your friend. They deserve at least a tiny bit of the understanding and acceptance that they work so hard to give to us.
I'm not even asking people to exclusively cater to his whims and outbursts. What I am saying is that he is working so hard to try to function in this world and he deserves some of that back. A world that he's a part of too, even if it's not always as easy for him to understand the social rules we live by. As it is now, it seems like my kid is doing all the work and no one is willing to give even a little to let him be who he was born to be. So, why is it unreasonable to ask that neurotypical people at least TRY to realize that just because they are in the majority it doesn't mean that their way is the easy way, or even the ONLY way for everybody?
If my son doesn't want to look you in the eye, I won't force him to. That's ridiculous to spend so much time trying to force someone to do something they are uncomfortable with. Maybe my son will never look another person in the eye. No one ever died from lack of eye contact. What he will do is learn to be the best person that he can be. I will encourage his strengths (which are many) and work with him on the things that he needs to become a successful adult.
He's working all the time to understand you. Yet so often, other people don't think he deserves to be understood or accepted at all. A childhood should be joyful. It should be fun. It shouldn't be a full time job trying to please a bunch of people who don't appreciate a child who doesn't fit into their perfect mold. So, I won't force my son to be "normal". I will never do that to him. I will always celebrate the wonderful, funny, charming, smart, quirky little boy that I am so blessed to call my son. He's not the one who needs changing. It's the rest of the world that needs a good lesson in acceptance and compassion for their fellow humans, autistic or not.
Amen lady! I try to be as open minded as possible, b/c I don't want the girls to think it's okay to judge others on a whim. I want them to get to know a person first, then decide how they feel about them. I have already had to work with Miss G about not calling people names or making fun of them for any reason, and she just started preschool. I have seen on many occasions people in the grocery store with screaming kids,and they're just sitting there yelling at them...I try to smile at the parent, b/c I know what it's like...I know that it wears our patience thin and makes us tired. I know that the child is just upset and trying to vocalize their feelings. But what I don't get are all the people staring at them and glaring, or offering up archaic solutions, because they seem to think the parent can't do anything. Yes, I'll spank my child if the situation calls for it, but my kids get warnings. If they don't heed those warnings they get a time out. If they don't listen even after the time out, they get spanked. I've even been told that I am too lenient about that. WTF? But back to the point...lol...I try to teach my children to be accepting, that they'll always be loved no matter what they do, and that everyone deserves a chance to be friended and loved. I don't see how people can be so close-minded to say a child doesn't deserve something. Our children are who deserve everything. Every blessed baby deserves to be understood and a chance at every opportunity they can get.
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