I just had a birthday. I've officially moved from the younger demographic to "middle aged". I don't feel older or wiser, so no worries.
As usual, my birthday made me reflect on how I grew up. I come from a pretty dysfunctional background. A mother who was cold at best and a father who was wonderful and often the better parent, but definitely an enabler of my mother. Growing up, I had many of the same issues as my own child. Social anxiety, selective mutism, bright, but unmotivated and socially awkward. I didn't have a true friend until I was almost thirteen years old and she found me.
I think of growing up as a pretty painful time. I was ostracized for being different and even when I tried so hard to fit in, I never did. Because I was different. I was not supposed to be like everyone else, but that's all my parents wanted for me was to be "normal". I always felt like I disappointed them.
When my son was first suspected of being autistic, I felt disappointed. I was heartbroken that he wouldn't have a "normal" life. I tried hard to hide that from him and feel incredibly guilty about it now.
Because he is exactly who he is supposed to be. I had expectations for my child that weren't necessarily what he'd want, but were what society tells us is "normal". So, I grieved for that loss and when I was done I realized that all that time wasted on worrying and fretting about what could have been was so silly. My son is not meant to be typical. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, the things that make him different are what makes him so special and amazing. I don't ever want to make him feel like he's not good enough. Society may make him feel like an odd man out, but I want him to know that he will be accepted unconditionally by his family. I can't protect him from bullies all the time. I can't make other people understand why he's different or how amazing, gifted and smart he is if they would just be patient enough to listen to him. These are things I can't change no matter how hard I try. But I can always make sure that he has a safe place at home where he is loved and appreciated for everything that he is. He will always have us to be on his side, no matter what happens.
I'm tired of hearing about people grieving for the things that their child isn't and can not be. When you waste all of your time focusing on that, you never learn to appreciate the gift you've been given.
